


Falling Stupid In Love Crazy Fast

by Val9000



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Based off a Moomintroll (1990) episode, Fluff, Jack is a prince, Kidnapping, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage, Memory Loss, Snorkmaiden's Lost Memory, This started off as crack treated seriously and then became this, ended up very different but that's where it started, suitors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 04:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21368191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val9000/pseuds/Val9000
Summary: Jack is kidnapped by the Rift. When Ianto and Gwen find him (with help from the Doctor) they find that he's lost his memory and is also one of the princes on an alien planet. Now they're competing for his hand in marriage in order to bring him back to Earth.
Relationships: Gwen Cooper/Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams (mentioned), Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this is the exposition chapter so I hope you can stick with me through it. I hope to update chapters every second day or so - most of it's written just need to do some editing and add a few more scenes. Anyway I got this idea from a Moomintroll episode. It's a very different version of it because this is Torchwood but if you've seen the 1990 Moomintroll show episode "Snorkmaiden's Lost Memory" then you might be able to see where I'm coming from. 
> 
> Let me know if there's any tags you think I should add. This is set between season 2 and 3 but I don't really know what time. Definitely Post-Stolen Earth. (I do mention a date later on but please don't take any notice of that.) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this! It's 90% done already so you don't have to worry about this ending up uncompleted so please stick around! Kudos and comments 100% appreciated! 
> 
> !!!Minor Spoilers!!! I don't want to give anything away with the relationships but you'll probably be able to tell fairly quickly which one is endgame.

They lost Jack.

One minute here was there and then the next… gone. Snatched by the Rift. They knew the Rift took people. But, perhaps stupidly, they always felt like they were safe. Apparently not.

“There has to be a way of getting him back!” Gwen’s shouting. She’s been doing that a lot recently. Ever since Tosh and Owen. Her whole body is screaming anger and frustration.

Ianto just feels numb.

“Ianto!”

“We could call the Doctor.” The words are tumbling out of his mouth before he even realises what he’s saying. “Jack… has a phone with his number on it. Of course, Jack also always says that he probably won’t pick up but…”

“But it’s worth a shot.”

They really can’t do this on their own, after all. Maybe if Tosh was still here… But no. It’d be meddling with things they shouldn’t be meddling with. Number one rule: Don’t mess with the Rift. They’d already made that mistake once before and they’re not keen to do it again.

Gwen starts moving back to the SUV but Ianto doesn’t follow. He doesn’t want to leave. Leaving means this is real.

* * *

They’re staring at the phone. There’s only one number on it and Jack keeps it locked up in a safe. Ianto, of course, knows the code. But it still felt wrong pulling the phone out without Jack’s permission.

“So.” Gwen breaks the silence. “Do you want to talk to him or should I?”

“Think I should. You might scare him off with your temper.” Gwen shoves him playfully. “Besides! I can always pull out the hysterics. ‘Oh please bring my boyfriend back!’ He won’t be able to resist.”

“If you say so.” Gwen laughs at the joke just like he thought she would, and for a moment, the mood feels lighter. But still – neither of them make a move to pick up the phone.

“Actually, I think you should do it.”

“What? Why me?”

“It’s quite one-sided but the Doctor and I have history. He makes me nervous.”

Gwen looks hesitant. Ianto doesn't blame her. There’s something very intimidating about the man – the alien – that Jack keeps going on about. And Ianto’s not entirely sure that he could reign in his distaste of the Doctor. Sure he respects him – but Ianto can’t help being jealous and if Jack isn’t going to hate the Doctor for everything he put him through, then Ianto may as well.

“Besides, maybe he might need someone to knock some sense into him. Yell at him a bit. You’re better at that than me.”

“Cheek!”

They still don’t pick up the phone.

“This is ridiculous!” Gwen snaps. “Jack’s out there – who knows where, facing who knows what and we can’t even make a phone call!” In one smooth motion she picks up the phone and rings the number.

“Ah, hello! Who’s this then?” Ianto only just hears. But Gwen doesn't have it on speaker so he thinks the Doctor might be yelling.

“Um.” Gwen looks less sure of herself than she did a moment ago. Ianto gives her a thumbs up. “This is Gwen Cooper. From Torchwood.”

“Yes! Jack’s team! I remember you, you helped with that planet out of place crisis! Hello, what can I do for you?”

“Jack’s missing. He was taken by the Rift and we don’t know where he is. We need your help to find him.” This is the tone she usually uses with police officers. He’s not sure whether it’ll work on the Doctor, though. But Gwen looks determined now. And nothing can stop Gwen when she’s determined.

“Uh… now’s not a good time.” Ianto thinks he hears something explode.

“You have a time machine, don’t you? Just…” Gwen checks her watch. “It’s 5:10pm, 20th of October, 2008. Be here.”

“Alright, alright.”

Gwen hangs up on him.

* * *

They find Jack in a throne room on an alien planet. There are guards on either side of him that notice them before Jack does.

Jack who is sitting relaxed in an ornate chair on a raised platform, talking down to an alien that looks vaguely humanoid. He’s also wearing different clothes – which is probably what jars Ianto the most. They’re still the same dark blue theme he tends to stick to, but he looks like he’s wearing what could be suit – in the loosest sense of the word. The suit – again, if you could even call it that – has a definite alien style to it. While suits on Earth are meant to be form-fitting and thick, the one Jack is wearing is quite loose and thin. It has intricate patterns sewn into it with silver thread and looks more expensive than what everyone’s wearing combined.

The guards say something to Jack, and he waves the alien away. Ianto hears them say; “Your Highness”, as they bow and hurry out of the room.

Then Jack’s eyes flick up to look at them. And Ianto is just close enough to see that they’re sparkling with cold unfamiliarity. He has the same small, pleasant smile on his face as he did when he was talking to the alien. Between the clothes and that expression, Ianto’s not even sure it’s Jack.

But Gwen and the Doctor are.

“Jack! See, I told you we’d find him.” The Doctor sounds quite pleased with himself.

“Jack Harkness what are you doing here?” Gwen demands at the same time.

Ianto notices the guards tense, so he hurries forward and mimics the alien’s bow. Head bent down and arms spread out wide. Palms up.

“Sorry, Your Highness, we’re not from around here and you look just like someone we know. It’s uncanny, really.” He keeps his eyes to the ground but after a second of silence risks a look up.

“Oh?” There’s detached amusement on Jack’s face. Ianto swallows nervously. But then Jack waves at the guards and they relax, which makes Ianto relax, too. Jack shifts forward in his throne to look at them better. His head cocked to one side as he considers them.

“I hope you can excuse my friends for their outburst.” Ianto continues, when he’s sure Jack isn’t going to say anything else.

He hears movement behind him and hopes it’s Gwen and the Doctor copying his bow. Thinks he hears the Doctor murmurs; “yes, terribly sorry.” But he doesn’t dare check. Doesn’t dare take his eyes off of Jack.

“For a face like yours?” Jack grins widely, and this time it’s familiar. “Sure.” He certainly _sounds_ like Jack, as well.

Ianto watches as he settles back into the throne again. As he sweeps his eyes over them. Calculating.

Then he stands up suddenly, and makes his way off the platform, waving the guards away when they make to follow him. Ianto can now see that he’s also wearing a robe of some sort, and it reminds him painfully of Jack’s coat. He wonders what happened to it. Hopes they can find it.

Jack stops just out of arms reach of them and gestures at them to stand up properly.

“I’ve been looking to marry.” Another sweeping look at them. “Only one person, though – for the moment, at least – so what do you say? The three of you want to compete for my hand in marriage?”

The Doctor stutters out something that doesn’t quite become and sentence and Ianto’s pretty sure Gwen’s mouth is hanging open. He dreads to think what his own face looks like. Thankfully, judging by Jack’s grin, he doesn’t seem offended.

The Doctor steps past Ianto, trying to take charge of the situation. Jack dances backward.

“Ah!” Jack holds his hand up. “Please don’t get too close. We need to do a background check first. If you would follow me?”

The Doctor opens his mouth to say something – probably a denial – so Ianto tugs him backwards with a muttered; “hang on,” before he can say anything.

“Could you give us a moment?” Ianto asks, aware of everyone’s eyes on him but mostly aware of Jack’s. There’s not a single ounce of recognition in his gaze and it chills Ianto to the core. Even more so than the Doctor’s glare. “You’ve shocked us and we’d like a moment to think it over.”

“Of course!” Jack claps his hands together. Ianto notes that he also has his wriststrap on. Definitely Jack then. “I’ll give you guys a room to stay in. We can’t let you stay too long, though. Only members of the House are allowed here.” Jack leans forward like he’s letting them in on a secret and mock whispers, “I don’t mind, but while I may be the prince here they _really_ don’t like it when I break the rules.”

The Doctor tugs his arm out from Ianto’s grasp and regains his composure, all while nodding. “Of course, of course! We understand.”

“Great!”

“Just one question, though.” Ianto groans internally. Can’t the Doctor just shut up for a moment? “We _are_ still looking for our friend, is it alright if we have a poke around? Just to make sure he’s not hiding away? Promise we’ll behave. You can even assign us some guards if you’re that worried!”

“If your friend is here we’ll find him.” Jack’s smile is bland and empty. “Unfortunately, until you get your background checks we’re going to have to confine you to your room. Security reasons, you understand.”

“Perfectly! Just thought I’d, you know, make sure. Just in case.”

“Of course.” Jack points to the guards. “They’ll show you to your room. There’ll be one waiting outside the door so just let them know when you’re ready to give me your answer.” Jack sweeps his gaze over them again, a flirty grin on his face. “I _really_ do hope you’ll say yes.”


	2. Chapter Two

Their room is the same as the rest of the castle – big wooden doors, large round windows and just alien enough for it to be noticeable. It consists of a sizeable common room, with four doors leading to what Ianto hopes are three bedrooms and a bathroom.

He also hopes they won’t be here long enough to find out for sure.

“Are you sure that’s Jack?” Gwen asks as soon as the guards leave the room.

“I’m sure! With your instruments taking readings of the Rift at the time he was taken, and my TARDIS, and, well, _me_ – we definitely should’ve been in the right place! Besides, I know it’s Jack, he has a… particular… uh, vibe.” He sees the Doctor lose steam as he remembers exactly who he’s talking to. “It’s a bit hard to explain to humans.”

“Because he can’t die.” Ianto says. Maybe a little bitterly. He remembers too many late nights spent consoling Jack to be anything except bitter about the way the Doctor treats him.

But if the Doctor notices, he doesn’t show it. He just snaps his fingers and points at Ianto. “Exactly! He’s a Fact – a fixed point in space and time – and for someone like me that’s not something you miss, trust me.” He starts pacing. “No. It’s definitely Jack. Our question is whether it’s the _correct_ Jack – timeline wise. Whether it’s _our_ Jack. But we should’ve landed in the right place! Using your data and the TARDIS we should’ve been only a month or so out – at most. Which isn’t enough to just forget us. No. Something must be wrong with his memory.”

“Well, how do we fix it?” Gwen asks.

“We get him into the TARDIS.”

“Oh, that’ll be easy.” Ianto says. “’Oh hello Your Highness, please come into our box, we promise not to assassinate you!’”

“You’re right.” The Doctor looks as troubled as Ianto feels. Which is to say: very.

“And what are we going to do about this marriage proposal?” Ianto continues.

“He is your boyfriend, Ianto. Why don’t you say you’d like to marry him? I mean, if I come home and tell Rhys that I married Jack he’d go mental.” She laughs nervously.

“It might not be that easy.” The Doctor is very pointedly not looking at Ianto. “It might be an all or nothing thing – I’ve been to a couple of royal weddings, you see. They like the chase – and if we refuse I don’t think he’ll wait for us to reconsider. And one of use is going to have to marry him to get him to trust us enough to come into the TARDIS.”

“Great!” It isn’t great at all. “Right then! Lets all try and win my boyfriend’s hand in marriage.”

* * *

Jack looks ridiculously happy when they tell him that they accept his offer. It’s very endearing. He quickly ushers them into another room while babbling about how; “they’ve been harassing me to marry for weeks now! But when you’re not allowed outside of the House and no one else is allowed in, how are you supposed to find suitable suitors?”

The background check is easier then Ianto thought it would be, considering they don’t actually _have_ any kind of identification. The Doctor just leans over to mutter; “just go with it.” And then hands over what looks like a blank piece of paper.

It must satisfy them, though, because the next thing they know they’re being handed clothes and shoved back in the direction of their room. They’re told that they have twenty minutes to get ready to have dinner with Jack. Ianto feels like he’s on the Bachelor.

He doesn’t even know how they got their sizes.

* * *

With the way they were dressed, Ianto expected that they’d be led into a large dining hall. Which they are – at first. Then they’re quickly directed into another, smaller room – just off to the side.

Jack’s already sitting down at a square table. Waiting for them. His clothes somehow look fancier and more expensive than what he was wearing before. Clearly outclassing their own clothes, which match what Jack was wearing previously. Apparently about rule is that His Royal Highness should always be wearing the better outfit.

Jack grins when he sees them, and doesn’t stop smiling the entire way through dinner. They chat and laugh and try to pretend like they’ve never met him in their lives.

Somehow, that’s the part that makes him most uncomfortable about the experience. And to think – when he first sat down, he really thought it would be eating dinner with the Doctor next to him.

So, Ianto spends the entire time tense. He tries not to make it obvious and hopes that Jack is a little too giddy on the high of having suitors – like he has been ever since they accepted – to notice.

But dinner goes fine. Good, even. Any time spent with Jack is always good.

* * *

The next morning some guards summon Gwen – apparently to Jack’s room. She comes back an hour later, looking a little bit flustered and with some paper. The Doctor goes next and Ianto’s glad. He wants some time alone with Gwen to talk about everything.

She sits down on the couch next to him. 

“So… what was it like?”

“Just some questions. He’s ‘getting to know us’, apparently.” Gwen gestures to the papers. “These are more in depth questions – to assess how ‘compatible’ we are. I looked through them on the way back here. Stuff like ‘do you want kids?’, and ‘do you have another partner already?’, ‘what would you want to do on a first date?’” Then she sighs. “It’s just weird. Seeing him like that, you know?”

“I know.”

“He doesn’t even know who we are.”

“We’ll get him back.” He says it with more conviction than he feels. If Jack rejects all of them he has no idea how they’ll convince him to come into the TARDIS. And if they have to kidnap him he’ll never agree to the Doctor’s plan to get his memories back.

“I mean, he’s always so authoritative, you know? Like yeah, he’s our friend but we still know he’s in charge. But now it’s even worse…” She looks on the verge of tears and Ianto can’t blame her. They’re still keenly feeling the loss of Tosh and Owen and if they have to add Jack onto that as well…

Well, he’s not sure how either of them will cope. But at least they’d have each other. And Gwen has Rhys. He puts his arm around her shoulders and coaxes her to lean into him. A hug, of sorts. He feels awkward doing it but it clearly makes Gwen feel better, judging by the muttered; “thanks, love.”

“It’ll be okay. Jack obviously likes us – otherwise he would’ve kicked us out the minute we walked in.”

She huffs out a watery laugh. “I’m sorry, Ianto. Here I am complaining but he’s _your_ boyfriend.”

“It’s alright.” He pats her shoulder. Again: awkwardly. “You can repay me by giving me a shoulder to cry on once I get back from _my_ talk with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! More exposition but next chapter we start getting into it and I'm very excited for that. 
> 
> I have a tumblr called "top-6-lies-Torchwood-tell" so follow me there if you want fic updates and for just Torchwood stuff in general. I was super tired when I edited this so let me know if I missed anything please. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Even if I don't get around to answering them straight away just know that I love them! I am going away on a holiday soon and I'm not sure yet whether I'll take my laptop with me which means next update might not be until next week.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for taking so long to update. Having some real lack of motivation recently but I'll try and update as frequently as possible! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ianto expected Jack’s room to be bigger. Bigger than theirs, at least – but it’s quite small. Cosy. Everything – except the bathroom – is in the same room. There’s a large ornate bed that has to have been intentionally designed to be the most eye-catching part of the room. So Ianto desperately avoids looking at it. Doesn’t want to give Jack any ideas.

If Jack notices Ianto’s dilemma, he doesn’t show it. He just slides into a chair behind a cluttered desk and gestures for Ianto to sit in the chair opposite him.

“Would you like something to drink?” Ianto’s usually the one asking that. Coming from Jack’s mouth it’s… intimate. It reminds him of late nights and early mornings alone with Jack. Being too tired to get something for himself and Jack attending to him, for a change. And despite Jack being right in front of him, he misses him.

“Coffee?” He just hopes they have coffee on this planet and that he’s not about to sound like a madman.

Jack grimaces and for a second Ianto thinks that he got it wrong. That there’s no such thing as coffee here. Then; “I’m no good at coffee.”

“Well, not to boast, but I’m great at it. Machine in the kitchen?”

Jack’s grinning at him. “If you can make that thing produce something drinkable, you’re already higher on the list than your friends.”

“Glad to hear it.” He tries to be cool about it. Tries not to show just _how_ glad he is. He’s not entirely sure what he’d do if Jack picked someone else to marry. And with those thoughts in mind, he almost forgets to ask Jack how he takes his coffee. He’s not supposed to know, after all.

A couple of minutes later and he’s stopping dead in his tracks, a cup of coffee in each hand. Jack’s sitting at his desk, writing something down. And he looks so much like he usually does – back home – that Ianto’s heart aches.

Not for the first time, he finds himself drowning in thoughts about how they might not be able to bring his memories back. They might not be able to bring _Jack_ back. He feels slightly queasy.

Jack notices his pause and looks up at him. There’s a familiar teasing grin on his face and Ianto’s unease grows. “Something wrong?”

“No. Nothing’s wrong.” Ianto places the mugs down a little ore aggressively than he should and sits down opposite Jack.

This could just be another day at work. Ianto often does his paperwork with Jack while they drink coffee. This could just be another morning. If it wasn’t for the alien room, the alien clothes and the fact that Jack’s looking at him as if he’s something new and interesting instead of with his familiar fondness.

Jack takes his first sip of coffee and immediately takes another, longer one. “Wow! This is… perfect. Just how I like it!” He looks up from his mug to smile at Ianto. “You weren’t kidding, huh?”

“I _never_ kid about coffee.” Ianto says, half on autopilot, as he watches Jack scribble something else down on his paper.

They spend the next hour talking. It’s jarring. There’s so many things Jack doesn’t know about him right now. When they met the second time, Jack knew every little bit of information about him. Not personal stuff – like his favourite James Bond movie – but still a lot more than he does now. And even the personal stuff came soon after.

He still has to tailor his information, though. Like he did with his records. Couldn’t let Jack find out he was Yvonne’s PA, after all. And now, he can’t let Jack find out that he knows him.

The only thing familiar about their conversation is that the information flow stays the same. Jack doesn’t talk much about his past except to share a few anecdotes of his time here. He’s vague – as usual. All empty stuff that Ianto will have to piece together. Back at home, Jack told him that he likes when Ianto pieces his past together because it’s easier on Jack than telling him.

Although now, the vagueness is probably just the memory loss. Unless he somehow got fake memories of a fake life and being vague is just a Jack constant.

“Here.” Jack hands him the papers he was writing on. “There should be pens in your room.”

Ianto raises his eyebrow. “A questionnaire?”

“Just to get the feel of how well-matched we would be.” Jack says, shrugging.

Ianto’s stomach churns. He can’t shake the fear that maybe he’ll lose. That maybe Jack will pick someone else.

* * *

Ianto takes a break from filling in his questionnaire to watch Gwen and the Doctor muse over theirs.

“Why are you both putting in so much effort anyway?” Ianto asks.

He meant it as a joke. But neither the Doctor nor Gwen answer. They just sit there, avoiding his gaze with a guilty look.

“No.” He couldn’t believe it. “You _want_ to win.”

They both start talking at the same time. Ianto can’t understand them. Doesn’t really care to. He knows it’s just excuses.

“I don’t want to hear it.” They abruptly fall back into silence. He stands up, puts his hands on his hips and lets out a sigh. “I’m going for a walk.”

He hears Gwen call after him as he leaves but he doesn’t turn back.

* * *

The guards let them wander wherever they want, but Ianto can feel their eyes following him. Making sure he doesn’t do something sketchy. A background check can only appease so many concerns after all. If this was the Hub he certainly would feel the same way.

But all he’s trying to do is commit the layout of the House – as Jack calls it – to memory. It’s easier to think about that than the fact that he’s on an alien planet, his boyfriend doesn’t remember anything, and the two people who are supposed to be helping him get Jack back are actually trying to marry him instead.

He’s not sure what they think it’ll accomplish, anyway. Jack’s dating him. As soon as he gets his memories back, he’ll go back to dating him – regardless of who he married. Ianto knows that, at least. He’s not sure whether this Jack will pick him but he knows that. Of course, it’ll be a blow to their relationship if Jack _doesn’t_ pick him, but Ianto’s sure they’ll recover.

Maybe.

Ianto sighs. He’s not worried about Gwen. He’s worried about the Doctor. Jack fell in love with him once and there’s nothing to stop him from doing so again. And it’s true, the same logic applies to him, but it doesn’t do anything to stop the worry.

He’s not giving Jack enough credit. No matter what happens here – unless Ianto does something _really_ stupid – Jack wouldn’t just abandon their relationship.

Speaking of Jack, he wonders if he’ll run into him now. He hopes he does. He also hopes he doesn’t. Jack is… difficult to deal with right now. Any wrong move and they might lose Jack forever. He certainly has the power to make sure they never see him again, and that’s a lot more worrying than a love triangle.

Anyway, Ianto’s trying not to think about it.

There are a lot of rooms in the House. And rooms within rooms, he’s sure. He doesn’t go in a lot of them. He does peak his head into a couple of open doors and sees things like swimming pools, a cinema, cafes, restaurants. It feels like an entire town in here. Although, he supposes it’d have to, if Jack was never allowed to leave the House. Still, though, having all these things here and only being one person must be lonely.

No wonder Jack’s looking to marry.

He doesn’t see Jack on his walk. He tries not to be too disappointed about it. By the time he gets back, it’s late – so he does straight to bed without talking to the others. He’s sure he spends the entire night staring at the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's starting to pick up a bit. Next chapter is going to be real fun I think. 
> 
> If you liked this please kudos or comment! It means a lot to me <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter! I think I might try and make my updating schedule at least once a week. It's probably going to stay inconsistent though as I only really get small bouts of motivation that let me update. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy and make sure to kudos or comment if you do!

The next morning, Jack comes to their room and announces that he’ll be taking them all on dates. There’s a schedule. Gwen today, the Doctor tomorrow and then Ianto. He’s vague about the rest of the details, though. About what else this suitor thing is supposed to entail after that.

Gwen comes back from her date in tears.

“He said he wasn’t a fan of infidelity.” Her eyes are wide and wet. Despite being her friend, he’s having a hard time feeling sorry for her. “That I’d need my husband’s consent. I mean… he didn’t know about… but if felt like he did.” She can’t say his name. Not so soon after losing them and especially not in this context, Ianto suspects.

“He’s never been a fan of it.” Ianto tries not to sound too defensive.

“Really?” She looks surprised and Ianto feels anger flare up in him.

“No. Never.” He hesitates. He’s overly aware of the Doctor’s presence behind him. Listening in. He wishes the Time Lord would just read the room and _leave_. But Gwen needed to hear this. “Polyamorous is what you’d call Jack. And that has nothing to do with him being from the 51st century it’s just… what he is. And it’s different from infidelity because it requires all partners’ consent. Jack and I have…” He sighs. “We’ve had a hard time negotiating our relationship. Mostly because we… we don’t like to talk. About it. But we’ve gotten to a point where I think we’re both satisfied.”

“I know that…” She says. “I mean – I do, really. But the whole point of infidelity is that it’s without consent, right? You wouldn’t know.”

Bloody hell she can’t leave well enough alone. Ianto _doesn’t_ mind talking about his relationship – as long as it isn’t in front of Jack. But he _does _mind talking about it in this much depth, especially when the Doctor is still nearby. Eavesdropping. Unfortunately, he knows that if he keeps it vague, Gwen would misinterpret somehow. Like she’s doing now. For a friend, she can be quite insensitive.

But then again, they all are sometimes.

“First of all, when do you think Jack has time to engage in other relationships? Second of all, he actually seemed quite upset when I implied he was… you know. Just because he likes to flirt doesn’t mean he’ll act on it.” He pauses. “Unless there’s something you’d like to tell me about?” He’s not serious. He just wants to shake her up a little. Sometimes she needed that.

“No! No I’m… I’m over that. Really. It’s just…” She grabs his hands. Willing him to believe her. “It wasn’t the fact he rejected me, it was the reason for his rejection.”

Ianto looks at her sceptically. “Right. And that’s why you want to marry him now.”

Her eyes widen and she looks away from him.

“Look, Gwen, I don’t care that you have a crush on him. I mean… it’s _Jack_. I just… you’re my friend. And it’s kind of shitty for you to keep trying to insert yourself into our relationship. You have Rhys. And if Jack wanted you, he would’ve gone after you. But he didn’t.” He sighs, mentally preparing himself for what he’s about to say and Gwen’s reaction to it. “You slept with Owen when you knew Tosh loved him and it drove a wedge between you two. Not a big one. But it was still there. I’ve been trying to ignore everything because I trust Jack and I know he wouldn’t cheat on me. But if you don’t stop soon, it’ll drive a wedge between us as well.”

Gwen sobs.

“I don’t expect you to just get over him – god knows that’s hard – I just want you to stop. Jack loves you. But not in the way you want. And he doesn’t want to tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt you but it’s true.”

“I know.” Her voice is barely there due to her crying so she clears her throat. “I know. I mean… I try not to know, you know? But… I’m sorry Ianto, I’m so sorry.”

“It’ll be okay.”

He ignores the Doctor’s footsteps finally walking away from them.

* * *

The garden is alien in it’s beauty. Ianto wonders if it looks this nice during the day, with the plants’ multi-coloured glow gone. In fact, he’s surprised there’s so many different glow in the dark species. He knows they have at least one back home at the Hub, but this garden looks as though it contains hundreds.

He thinks this must be the only place where the pathways are narrow and the man-made structures are fairly plain. Probably so it doesn’t distract from the plants. The pathways are winding, as well, and he’s almost certain he’ll get lost. But he doesn’t really care right now. It’s peaceful here. And after the events of today – his conversation with Gwen – he really needs some peaceful.

Which is why he’s almost disappointed when he sees Jack. He’s sitting on a plain, stone bench and he doesn’t notice Ianto at first. He has his eyes closed. A look of contentment on his face that Ianto can easily make out in the golden glow of the nearby flowers.

Ianto’s about to turn around and leave – sure an interruption is the last thing Jack wants – when Jack sees him. He startles. Obviously not expecting anyone else to be here. Then he smiles warmly and Ianto can’t bring himself to do anything but stare.

The garden is beautiful, but Ianto thinks Jack is stunning.

“Ianto.” Jack greets him with a soft voice. Then he shifts over and pats the space next to him. “Sit?”

There’s only just enough room on the bench for both of them. And _that’s_ only because their bodies are pressed together. It’s the closest Ianto’s been to Jack since this whole thing started and he finds himself relaxing into the warmth. Jack’s warmth. And this isn’t _his_ Jack – not with the memory loss – but it’s still _Jack_ and Ianto can’t help but feel better.

He doesn’t realise how exhausted this whole thing is making him until now.

“This place is beautiful.” Ianto keeps his voice low. Tries not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere.

“It is. I had it made a little after I became prince.”

And that shatters Ianto’s mood.

“How… how long have you been prince?”

“A year or so, now?” A lot longer than a month. Ianto’s going to kill the Doctor when he sees him again. “I was supposed to marry on my first anniversary… but no one really felt right.”

“Did you go through this process with them, too?”

Jack laughs. “Oh, I just follow what they tell me to do. I have some leeway, of course, and ultimately I have the authority but… well, they’ve been doing this for a long time now. It’s what works, apparently. Can’t argue with that.”

“And who’s ‘they’?”

“They’re like a guide, I guess.” Jack hesitates. “I don’t… really like talking about it but I don’t remember anything outside of my time at the House. They’ve got the experience so they help me.”

“You don’t remember anything?” He tries to sound appropriately shocked and not like he just had a theory confirmed. “Is that common?”

“Oh yeah. Alien princes who don’t remember anything? That’s how it works here. I met another prince, once. She told me it was normal. There was an uprising here a while ago – overthrowing the corrupt government. Apparently, this way the people who rule over them are unbiased – no room for corruption.” Jack turns to whisper conspiratorially in his ear and Ianto tries not to tremble at his proximity. “If you ask me, I think they do it that way so we’re easier to manipulate.”

Ianto laughs but he feels slightly horrified.

They’re silent for a few moments longer, then Jack stands up. He offers Ianto his hand, a teasing, flirty grin on his face and Ianto thinks he’s about to ask him to dance. “Care to join me for a walk?”

Ianto doesn’t take the hand. But he does stand up. “Sure. Loop back to the House? I think I need to go back to bed.”

Jack’s grin widens. “Well, you’re welcome in my bed.”

“Sorry,” Ianto says with more confidence than he feels, “I don’t have sex before marriage.”

Jack laughs, then puts on an exaggerated pout. “Pity.”

He looks as though he might try to hold Ianto’s hand. Or link arms with him. Or something that involves _touching_. So Ianto puts his hands in his pockets and starts walking. He can’t deal with that right now.

If Jack looks disappointed, he doesn’t show it. He launches into a story about one of the wilder situations he managed to get himself into during the past year. Ianto keeps his eye firmly on the plants around them to remind himself that this isn’t Jack.

There’s a pain in his chest that won’t go away.

* * *

“Gwen and the Doctor… when they look at me, do they see your friend?” They’d been walking for roughly half an hour now, swapping stories and talking about nothing. So the seriousness of the question catches Ianto off-guard. He honestly forgot that it was even a part of their cover story.

“I can say, without a doubt, that they see you.” It’s not technically a lie.

Jack looks relieved, but still not completely worry-free. “Honestly, all of you just have this way of… throwing me off-guard. Some of the things you do, or say…” Ianto’s heart is pounding in his chest. He’s sure the gig is up. That Jack’s about to kick them out of the House and tell them to never return. “I wouldn’t want to marry someone who isn’t marrying me, for me, you understand?”

“Absolutely.”

Jack stops suddenly and turns to face him. The blue glow of the flowers illuminates the unreadable expression on his face. But his eyes are searching Ianto’s. Then the atmosphere shifts as he lightly cups Ianto’s cheek with one hand and steps closer. “There’s something about the way you look at me, Ianto Jones…” He murmurs. “Like you’re seeing a ghost.”

“My last partner died.” He blurts out before he can stop himself. It isn’t the cause of what Jack’s referring to, but it works just as well. “Lisa.” It hurts to say her name like this. To use her as a cover story. To use her _death_ as a cover story. He feels ill. But he can’t go back now.

Jack’s hand drops down to his side and he frowns. Steps away. “I’m sorry to hear that.” And he sounds genuinely sorry. Looks genuinely sorry.

And this Jack has probably never experienced loss in his life but somehow Ianto knows he still understands. Maybe it’s a subconscious thing.

“Sometimes, the things you do remind me of her.” And he’s yelling at himself to just _shut up_. Because while it’s true – he can’t help but compare Jack and Lisa – it’s still a lie. He’s still using her to lie. There’s a lump in his throat.

“We don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine.” It’s _not_. “It was a while ago. But she was the last person I was in a relationship with so…”

Jack nods. “I get it.”

They spend the next couple of minutes walking through the garden in silence. At some point, Jack slips his hand into Ianto’s. And this time, Ianto makes no move to let go.

When they get back to the House, Jack asks him back to his room again. The picture of temptation. All charming smile and inviting eyes. And Ianto would like to take him up on his offer. He really would. To try and find some kind of comfort in this bizarre situation. But he thinks it would just do more harm than good. Hammer in the point that this isn’t _his_ Jack. So he declines.

“I’ll see you in the morning, then.” Then Jack steps closer. Cups his cheeks and pulls Ianto into a brief – but still lingering – kiss. Ianto barely refrains from kissing him again. And it’s so hard. Being with this person who is so much like Jack and yet not. The contrasting and confusing way that everything they do is simultaneously familiar and new.

Jack looks pleased with himself as he watches Ianto struggle to pull himself together. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Ianto mutters. Then he hurries away before he can make a bigger fool of himself


End file.
